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Things that you ponder when you've got too much time on your hands ...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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Life is sexually transmitted.
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs as much as they used to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
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Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
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Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabetti Spaghetti?

:D
 
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